What is the real me exactly? A message to you.

Who is the real me? The one who owns and writes in this blog? What is her personality really? Well.... I don't know *laugh*

I am who I am... that's all I know. I don't like to talk in the morning. My face is always serious at the morning. I get pissed off easily at things. I'm bad if you want to call it 'bad'. Maybe I'm worse! I'm not saying this to pity myself. I told you, it's the real me talking to you. I'm different in each people who knew me. I'm cheerful to other, I'm cold to some. I'm quiet to them, I'm bubbly to others! Oh my! I just realized this when I'm alone in my room (c*****) sorry I don't want to tell that story. Maybe in the future ^.^




To those others I'm sorry. That's who I am. You can't blame me. That's a part of me. 'Cause you see when I'm ignored, I feel the pain of being hurt. When I'm alone, it makes me think of many things. Just like yesterday. Haha. I feel like it's odd that I'm telling this to those who will be interested to read this blog of an unpleasant person. Haha.

You know, I feel empty. It's been like, when I went to a place, I forget those 'sad' thoughts and then when I went back home, I felt alone even though I have those people with me. It seems that it's not a home anymore, it's more of like a house now. It's home when we're complete, in daylight and a little at night. But when they're not there it's not.

I know I'm talking nonsense here. Please bear it with me. I have many things to say right now. 'Cause I don't have someone to talk to. Haha.

To the person who is cold to me today. Since in the last few weeks, I'm sorry. Hahaha, it feels awkward ne? I'm saying this because I don't want to let the bond that I forged to be cut down like in the past year with no reason of some sort. I don't know if you'll read this. Maybe you will since I'll ask you to read this. I know why you're cold to me. I know it's my fault. But, I'm not saying that you have no part of the things happened. I became cold to you, I know. If you haven't noticed, I'm not seeing you either, I mean, looking to your face. Why? Because I can't. I'm deciding the most hardest thing that I will do. If I'm gonna do it or not. I've been reaching some hints to you, don't you know that? Perhaps not. 'Cause you're happy. I'm not doing this to make you be troubled. I'm saying this because I'm tired of things that's happening around me. With you, with myself, with them. I know that maybe the reason we got cold to each other is because of I'm always with her. You've changed, I've changed. All of us changed, even him changed. Many things happened and I've been paying attention to it. You know, I'm afraid that if I tell you this in person, you'll yell at me or do something like you used to. Because, I've known you for a long time. I want to get serious for now, I want to finish this once and for all. If you think I'm afraid, maybe I am. But to tell you frankly, even though I'm afraid, I don't like you to judge me that way. That's why when I have problems anymore, I'm not reaching to you, to them. Ask the one I am with everyday. I'm having problems, but even she is listening, I can't say all of them. Why? 'Cause everytime I need your help, you guys, when I look at you, I feel terrible and at the same time, terrified...... Like this problem that I'm having today.... I don't know that if I'll tell you this, you'll listen to me or not... 'Cause even though you think that it's just a cheap problem... For me it is a big and important one.....

To the other one, thank you for introducing me to the other world? *laugh* just kidding. ^.^ No, for when I'm being with you, even we don't see each other everyday. You've shared a part of your life in mine. And I'll treasure it ^.^ Thanks for someone like you had existed and loved the other me... I mean the part that a**** lover and all... And all the feelings you feel everyday. For you say 'communication is important' right? In the friendship within us, for me is so....... undescribable LoL.... Thanks again ^.^

So, again, sorry for the nonsense talk ^.^ But I can say that I feel fine now... A little bit fine ^.^