Me and the things around me.

[mood: ...]
[listening to: Miseinen by The GazettE]

3:38 A.M.

*kamot ulo*
Yeah... I know...
Bakit nga ba ako nagpopost kada madaling-araw? I don't know the reason myself. I just want to type right now... and type... and type... and continue to type until I'm satisfied. Bakit ba, pakialam niyo? Hindi niyo naman blog ito. Akin 'to kaya akin ang lahat ng karapatan kung anong oras at kelan ako pwedeng mag-post...



*sigh*

Nauubusan na ako ng pwedeng gawin 'wag lang mag-isip. Or rather, hindi ko na talaga mapigilan ang isip ko na mag-isip. I don't know if I'm still thinking right now or not... One thing's certain. I'm not feeling well... My heart is aching...

It sounds mushy yes. So? Bakit, alam niyo ba ang nararamdaman ko ngayon?? Hindi!! Ambigat ng pakiramdam ko. I feel like I've been skewered like a boar by a very strong bamboo pole in my chest where my heart lies. At habang nagtatype ako, patuloy na nananakit ang puso ko. Iyon feeling ng sobrang bigat andito pa rin sa puso ko. And whether putting something here in my blog or not would help me this aching feeling.. I don't know.


I want to cry right now...

And I don't fucking know why I want to cry... I know it's not because of my near death experience earlier at Splash Island (I drowned)... I know it's more heavier than that...

I've been suppressing my tears, I don't know why. Am I too fed up?? 'Di ko na ba talaga kaya??
Am I going to burst any moment now?? I don't know... I don't know anymore!!!!


I want to shout. I want to run. I want to go somewhere. A place where I could be free. A place where I could allow myself to be me... To let my tears run freely in my face... I want to let it all out...

It's choking the hell out of me... I don't know what to do anymore...

Minsan, gusto ko nang sabihin sa sarili ko na sana... sana... sana lang talaga... maaksidente ako at mabagok ang ulo. Magka-amnesia or mawalan ng emosyon. Para hindi ako ganito. Ang hirap talaga.

Gusto kong umalis sa bahay. Kaso hindi ko magawa. I can't do it because of her. Because of them. In the end, wala, ganito pa rin ang estado ng pag-iisip ko. Mahal ko kasi sila. That's why I can't express myself to my family the way I am to my friends..

Langya... what will I do...
Ano na ba talaga ang gagawin ko...

I told myself not to mind things... but I really can't.... really can't...

Gusto kong magsalita, gusto kong magalit... But I really can't let it all out...
It's screaming but only I could hear it..

My system's overloading.....


BOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!

.........