Now Listening to: Eternal Snow]
[mood: tired]
Wouldn't be so great? To start a week with pure smiles. With a carefree you jumping and skipping in this flowery field with the cool spring air touching your smooth face?
I hope to have that kind of week before. Because this first week is very special to me. But dammit, every day of December was really have to be ruined by this fucking crisis and this fucking situation here in my dramatic-family.
And day by day, I get more and more emotionally tired of this never-ending soap opera. Why wouldn't just all of this end?!?!?! Do I really need to suffer this much for what I did years ago? So yeah, I was the one who told my dad that he should just let my mom free. But I only did that because I don't want the both of them get hurt anymore. Damn it! I love them both! But he couldn't see it. Up to now, I feel I'm still responsible when everyone tells me shouldn't be.
And this was all started when I went to my mom's province with my dad and my little brother. Dad keeps on being sarcastic and I'm really having a hard time to cope with it while I was there beside him. For one, half of my heart was really happy to see him because I missed him a lot. While the other one was still hurting by the fact that he still can't move on. And I'm dealing with things with him when in the first place, I shouldn't be the one dealing with everything.
It's their battle. But I kept on being in the middle of their boxing fight. If it weren't for my lover, I wouldn't be able to look forward each day if my lover wasn't there to make me smile, laugh and forget those things that I'm experiencing right now.
Right now, it's confusing me. I don't want to take sides. I don't want for others to think that I'm on the others' side. I don't know what to do with it anymore. Sometimes, all I want is just to be with my lover and never return to this place again. We'll go to some place that we can be us and we can be happy. But doing that right now would cause chaos in our lives. As for now, we just have to hang onto each other and strengthen our bonds and make our dream come true. And that is, our upcoming future with our plans together.
Mom had just talked to me, she told me things about the separation of their properties between hers and dad. And she was asking me if I'm ready to testify to the court to answer some questions in regards to their separation and the support and some other stuffs that are related to it. If I want to testify, she'll get an attorney so that the could get the properties and equally separate it. Because the reason why she'll hire an attorney is for taking the rights of me and my little brother in those properties, for us to use. She said that I should think it over. If ever I wouldn't want to testify to the court, she'll respect it. But she'll never let my dad take the house in Laguna, neither some of the properties because it's for me and my little brother, according to her.
I don't know what should I do in this matter. And as we speak, I keep on thinking about it. I don't want my dad to get hurt. But my mom fights for our welfare. Mom wants to get her surname again because she plans to work in abroad. I know she thinks about us. Our welfare. I know, that dad thinks about us too. But this kind of thing is too big for me. What should I do?
All I want is to be with my lover. I want to be wrapped in my lover's arms, to feel my lover's lips. And the best thing for me to do to help me calm down is to think of my lover. And it never fails to do its spell on me. To make me smile whenever I see my lover in my mind.
You know, even I had this tiring week, I'm still looking forward to each days. Especially now, today's is Vylri's birthday. He's 1 year-old! I can't wait to have some adventures with him, later. My friends and I (together with my lover) will be celebrating Vylri's birthday.
And then, tomorrow, it will be my special day. And I'm very much looking forward to it.
Because it's my birthday. We're very much looking forward to our plans that day. With me and GlammatZ. It's gonna be a long but enjoyable day. I know. I believe it will be. Because my friends and my lover (most especially) will be there, celebrating with me. ^_^
So, I won't give up.
I won't...
*photo/avatar made by me. photography by Cali Ynoviel. Don't steal*
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